Everything changed when I realized I could make this in just five minutes with the food processor!
1 head cabbage, outer leaves and stem removed, cut into eighths.
1 c mayonnaise (Hellmann’s canola is my preference)
4 t Kidsweet (or 4t sugar for not-low-carb)
1/3 c rice vinegar
1/2 t celery seed
Place cabbage chunks in food processor (do two batches for a small one).
Add other ingredients.
Run on slow speed until the cole slaw starts to stick to the side of the bowl. Don’t overdo it!
update: fixed measurements for whole head of cabbage.